Another year older

Okay so my blog has laid dormant for quite some months now - sorry people! Life has sort of gotten in the way a bit, as it has a habit of doing!

Anyway, October has come around again, which - for me - means one thing. My birthday. Now for every birthday for the past 20 years this has meant numerous birthday lists, plans, celebrations and general excitedness usually lasting the entire month. I've always looked forward to being a year older, and having a tiny bit more freedom, whether that be learning to drive at 17 or learning to drink at 18, birthdays have also been greatly anticipated for me. But this year feels very different.

Truth be told I'm actually dreading it this year. I can't stand the thought of being 20. Halfway to 40 in other words. For most of my teenage life people have told me how much older I look for my years, and how mature I am. but just recently at work people have been commenting on how young I look, and how they can't believe the fact I'm shortly to be 20, when in their opinion I look about 12.

This year I literally just feel a year closer to death. As morbid and pessimistic as that sounds, it's true. I feel all the good ages have come and gone, and now I'm just counting down the years unwillingly.

It's not all bad though, I'm jet-setting off to Portugal in 2 weeks to spend my birthday in the sun, so really I don't have that much to complain about! Anyway, I just thought it was interesting how you get a different perspective on things like birthdays as you get older. As a kid I never thought I'd NOT be excited for a birthday. But then again, I suppose a change is as good as a rest - or whatever the phrase is!